the most horrible feeling ever....

You never want to get a phone call that begins with, "I've got some bad news...". Well, that's what I got today. I was hoping for a wonderful day with a phone call from my doctor telling me how far along we are in our pregnancy. Instead, I got a call from the doctor telling me I am probably having a miscarriage. They made me an appointment for 2:00. Justin rushed home so he could go with me. I couldn't do it alone. I needed him there with me.
My hCG levels dropped from Tuesday to Thursday. They are never supposed to drop during pregnancy, only go up. When we got to the doctor they did an ultrasound. The nurse had already told us she didn't see anything, but the doctor had to come in and officially tell us. I was already preparing myself. I just didn't want to face it.
My doctor was worried that I was having an ectopic pregnancy, but he said he didn't think that was the case after we had the ultrasound. So, at least that was a relief.
After the ultrasound, we had to sit and wait again, which was horrible because I was crying my eyes out and sitting in a room full of pregnant bellies. I had to have more blood work done. The doctor wanted to see if my blood is Rh- negative. I'm not sure what all that means, but I had to have another needle stick :( At least Justin was there to hold my hand. He said if I am, then I will need to go back next week and get a shot because that is probably why I miscarried.
I cried the whole way home. I've never been this upset in all my life. This was our first pregnancy. It was my first baby. Granted, it was only an embryo, but it was still MY baby.
I have so many questions, but the main question I have is "Why???"
On the way home I heard a song called, "God Only Knows". .... Here are the lyrics...
You're in one of those seasons
Everything seems to go so wrong
Wish I could give you a reason
But even I'm barely holding on
When it's hard to find the answers
Let this be your hope
Chorus: God only knows all your broken pieces
Only He knows what you're going through
God only knows what you hide inside
And He's holding onto you
God only knows
You've had your fill of questions
There's so much that you need to know
I don't blame you for asking
But it's time to let go of control
And I'm sorry for what you're feeling
Please hold on to this hope
Come on, come on, He knows your pain
Come on, come on, hold onto faith
Come on, come on, you're on your way
My friend, your struggle has an ending day
Only He knows
Only He knows
Only He knows

I'm so thankful I have Justin to get me through this. I love him more today than I ever had.