My struggle with PPD

I feel like I should write this ...
When Corbin was born, a lot was going on. I had him on Tuesday, May 15, 2012. On Friday, May 18, 2012, Justin left the hospital so he could go to our house while TMO packed all of our stuff up. He quickly returned back to the hospital and said it was done. Our house was packed and our stuff was headed to CT. When we were released from the hospital that Friday night, we went to my parents house since our house was empty. This was extremely hard for me  I always dreamed of bringing my baby home to OUR HOUSE. But I couldn't. Luckily, we did have a place to stay until we moved to CT in 4 weeks.
Justin had to leave NC when Corbin was 2 weeks old. This was so hard. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want him to miss 2 weeks of Corbin's life already. But he had to go check in at his new job in NY.
Corbin and I stayed in NC until I was released from the dr at 4 weeks pp. We moved to CT when Corbin was 1 month old - June 15, 2012.
My family stayed a few days with us and then they went back home. I was all alone in a new place with a newborn. All day. Every day. Justin worked from 6am-midnight most days. I didn't know a single person up here. I was very depressed. I was sad. I missed home. I missed my family. I missed my friends. I quickly planned a trip to go back home and visit. When I went back home, I was happy again. But when I went back to CT, all the sad feelings came rushing back. I love my husband, I really do. And I missed him while I was gone, but I also needed help with the baby and he was always working.
My husband saw how depressed I was. He finally convinced me to go see a doctor.  I agreed I needed to go. But I didn't have a dr up here yet. Our insurance is Tricare with the military and not everyone accepts it. So, here comes another problem. It took me weeks, maybe even months, to find a dr that accepted our insurance. I made an appointment and I was actually happy about going. I knew I was depressed. I knew I needed help. I was nervous though.
So, I went to see this new doctor. As  soon as I walked in, I started crying. I told her my story and everything that had gone on in the past few months.
I could NOT believe what she told me. She told me that I did NOT have PPD, and that I just needed to "get over it" and move on. She agreed that a lot of changes had happened to me in the last few months and what I was feeling was normal.  She also told me that she fully believed my husband was cheating on me since he was working so much. (My husband is a recruiter in the Marine Corps and if you knew my husband, you would know this is the farthest  thing ever from  the truth. He is obsessed with me and our son.)  She also told me I needed to stop co-sleeping (which I love) and I needed to stop breast feeding and just give my son a bottle of formula. Now, if you know me, you would know how much I adore my nursing relationship I have with my son. I LOVE being able to provide him with such a precious gift. I LOVE the fact that I can MAKE milk!
Needless to say, I left there crying more than when I walked in.
I found a group on  Facebook for depressed moms. This felt like a safe place to vent. I told them my story and some very sweet ladies, Lisa and Sarah, talked with me, messaged me, and convinced me that I needed a second opinion. Lisa even called me, texted me and made sure I made an appointment with a new doctor.
This was hard. I didn't want to tell yet another doctor how depressed I was in fear of being shot down again. I had to deal with Tricare again to find another doctor that would accept our insurance.
When I finally went to this new doctor, I was shocked at the difference! She acted like she actually cared. She put me on Zoloft which is considered to be safe while breast feeding. I saw her weekly, then bi-weekly, then monthly. After about 2-3 weeks on the medication, I started feeling more like myself. Finally! After 9 months of being stuck in a hole of darkness, I could see light at the end of the tunnel.
My son is now almost 18 months old.  We are still nursing. We are still co-sleeping. And I have  slowly weaned off the medication in hopes of getting pregnant with baby number 2!
If it wasn't for the support of my husband and friends I have made along the way, I honestly do not think I would be here today.
PPD is a real thing. It makes you feel like shit. It makes you feel like  a failure as a mother, wife, and person.  I am so thankful that my husband has been so  patient with me this past year and a half. I love him so much and he is truly an amazing father and husband.
If you think you are suffering from PPD, please go see a doctor. Talk to someone. Medication isn't for everyone, but talking to someone about how you feel will make you feel 100 times better.